陈升－美丽的邂逅

现在正在聆听陈升的新专辑《美丽的邂逅》。真是一张很棒的专辑。尽管阿升的歌曲里没有芭拉歌的那种 hook 和 melody，不过如果用心聆听的话，会发现里头有许多不一样的东西。本人较喜欢的有听起来有些梦幻的《飞行城市》、拥有中国风的《牡丹亭外》和《不完全部落》这些歌曲。

以下是本人在YouTube找到的阿升近期的专访，里头他稍微谈了自己的人生观和创作过程。

Part 1


Part 2

我和新谣的擦肩而过

（这是前些时候梁文福老师在筹备一本有关新谣的书时向我征的稿。最后好像也没有刊登出来，大概是写得太差劲了吧。因此，就拿来这个地方献丑吧。）


老实说，我在新谣活动的巅峰时期（80年代）时还在读小学。小时候比较迟开窍，对于周遭许多事物都比较懵 懂和没有自己的主见，处于被动的状态。对于音乐的喜好也如此，基本上是学校里的老师在上音乐课时给我们唱什么歌，我就喜欢上什么歌曲。记忆中小学所教的都 是一些爱国歌曲，老师们义务性地教，我就非常亢奋和努力地唱。现在回想起来，当然觉得自己有些傻。或许这是因为自己在长大后就无法找回童年时的那种单纯的 性格了吧。不过，现在如果要我唱出这些爱国歌曲，我几乎还是可以一字不漏地把它哼出。

我在家里也没什么机会接触所谓的新谣，原因是父亲所听的歌曲都尽是一些台湾的流行歌曲，如余天、文章，费玉清、龙飘飘和凤飞飞等歌手。要不然就 是些庸俗得可以的福建歌曲，那是母亲最喜欢听的。除了爱国歌曲外，我在小学时所熟悉的歌曲就是余天的《榕树下》和文章的《三百六十五里路》。

我在中学时跟其他90％的学生一样，所听的歌曲就是台湾和香港的罐头流行歌曲。什么四大天王啊、四小天王啊等等。真正接触所谓本地歌手（和在某 种程度上所谓的本地创作）时，是通过陈洁仪、许美静、田径等歌手。不过，如果把所谓‘本地歌手’的头衔拿掉的话，会发现这些音乐其实跟当时流行歌坛所流行 的歌曲没什么两样。虽然在收音机听到这些歌曲时会感到一些自豪，不过却也只是因为身为一个新加坡人的爱国表现罢了。大概在潜意识还是受到了小时候被灌输的 爱国歌曲的影响。

真正对音乐的开窍（或者也可以说是对人生的开窍吧）是在自己高中的时候。那时比较有选择性地听歌了，例如黄舒竣、罗大佑、陈升、崔建、陈珊妮等 歌手的歌曲。记得是在听了罗大佑的《之乎者也》那张专辑吧。我跟一位对音乐的要求也很高的朋友说，为什么台湾能够出一个罗大佑，能够写出像《鹿港小镇》和 《乡愁四韵》等歌曲，而我们新加坡就没有呢？朋友听到了我的话之后，只是惊讶地看着我，一副不可思议的样子，仿佛我是从另一个星球来的人。他在隔天把一张 卡带交给我，叫我回家去听听。那是他好心帮我录制的卡带，也是我首次接触新谣歌曲。我在听了黄宏墨的《野人的梦》，梁文福的《新加坡派》、《细水长流》、 《红豆词2000》等歌曲后，才知道本地原来也有让人值得骄傲的一群人写过了许多引人深思的歌曲。虽然是后知后觉（所谓的新谣在我高中时已经被商业挂帅的 歌曲取代了），不过套一句老套的话吧，better late than never。就好像是一壶美酒一样，如果不打开的话就无法闻到它的味道，不过要是打开了，所散发出来的醇香一定能够摄动人心。绝对不会有人说它是糟糕和无 味的。我对的新谣的印象大概就是这样吧。

我是和整个新谣时期的歌曲擦肩而过，不过我并没有任何遗憾，也不会觉得这样不好，至少我是在思想开窍后接触它们。如果以小学事懵懂的心态接触它 们的话，我大概无法真正地欣赏吧。就好像海明威的《老人与海》这本书，中学上文学课时被迫读它，只是觉得无聊透顶。现在重新读过，才了解何谓文学的大师。 或者可以换个角度来看吧。我是错过了新谣，不过新谣却没有错过了我。时光是最苛刻的裁判，如果某些东西在岁月的筛选后还能够保留下来，那这东西一定是有所 价值的。或许只是我个人的看法和偏见罢了吧，不过我认为新谣已经通过时光的考验了。

The Man Who Lived His Life As A Scandal

This is an old review I written for a publication when I was an undergraduate. So bear with the immaturity and the general low quality of the writing......
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“Man created God. The inverse remains to be proven.” --- Serge Gainsbourg

One of the drawbacks of being an ex-British colony is the cultural influence. Instead of the clearly superior Spanish or Italian soccer league, we are crazy over the English Premier League where passion is a poor substitute for lousy skills. Instead of cool European films, we have trashy Hollywood movies, mainly because of the language. No, we don’t drink red wine that is considered beneficial to health but instead subscribe to beer, which tastes like piss. And to top it all, we are told that the Beatles was the greatest band alive and few, if any, have heard of Serge Gainsbourg.

Gainsbourg to French music is just like what Steven Spielberg is to American movies multiplied by one million times, albeit a much controversial, provocative and lecherous version. His range of music is astonishingly wide, from jazz influenced songs in his early career to the bubblegum pop of the French Ye-Ye girls genre, from the heavily rock influenced style in the late 1960s to the reggae music in the 1970s, from the numerous movie soundtracks he wrote and produced throughout his career to rap music in the 1980s. Many influential artists nowadays, which includes Luna, Luscious Jackson, Yo La Tengo, Stereolab, Luna and Mick Harvey cite him as their influences.

Despite his wide variety of music, there is one common thread that runs through them, and that is the ability to create controversy. Perhaps the best-known and most cited example is the song “Je T'Aime...Moi Non Plus”, which he duet with his wife Jane Birkin. Even if you know nuts about French, the heavy breathing and sensual moans that accompany the vocals leaves little to imagination. When released in 1969 (fittingly), it created uproar all across Europe. The single was banned in Sweden, Spain, Brazil, and Britain. The Vatican condemned and implored the Italian government to banish it. Gainsbourg instantly became a cult figure in the European music scene.

Of course, this is not the only scandal in Gainsbourg career. “For me provocation is oxygen,” so said Gainsbourg once, and he lived true to his quote. He has affairs with countless women, with includes French sex icon Bridgett Bardot. He reconfigured the French national anthem “La Marseillaise” to a reggae beat, an act that drew protests from politicians and demonstrations by war veterans. During live TV interviews, he burnt a 500 francs note in front of national TV, and on another occasion, proclaimed to Whitney Houston, “I wanna f**k you.” In the 80s, he dressed up as a drag for Love On The Beat, an album that discusses homosexuality and incest. In 1985, he appeared on the music video for one of his songs “Lemon Incest” with his young daughter-Charlotte Gainsbourg-half naked in bed.

Gainsbourg died of a heart attack on March 2, 1991, and as a fitting tribute to the man who epitomise French music for the last half a century, the French government warranted a day of national mourning. “I’ve succeeded in everything but my life,” Gainsbourg once said depreciatingly of himself. However, if you ever heard his music, you would think how wrong he was to have said that.

I Heard Nick Drake

“The habits of a life time will lay you low into your grave.

And when you are gone, you take the whole world with you.” --- Robyn Hitchcock (I saw Nick Drake)

Jim Morrison. Kurt Cobain. Ian Curtis. Whenever these names are brought up, one would inevitably form the image of a tragic artist who failed to come to terms with reality. Questions like ‘What might have been’ would also linger in one’s mind. However, of these delicate talents whose life ended prematurely like a withered rose, is there a story more tragic and poignant than Nick Drake’s? At least Cobain, Curtis and Morrison enjoyed fame and fortune, and their works were heard by millions before their deaths, but Nick Drake’s works were largely unheard of and unappreciated during his life time, and ironically only became popular more than two decades after his death. Does Van Gogh’s image come to mind?

Unlike most of artists who died young, Nick Drake did not live a life of indulgences and excesses. In fact, one would describe Drake as the antithesis of all things rock and roll. Born into a middleclass British family in 1948, he was educated in all things classical. He picked up guitar playing while he was studying at a boarding school during his teenage years. When he did a live performance while studying at Cambridge, he was spotted by a member of British folk group Fairport Convention and was recommended to producer Joe Boyd. Together they would craft three of the finest albums in British folk history. The first album Five Leaves Left, released in 1969, was well balanced in the sense that it was accessible to casual listeners but yet at the same time revealed Drake’s delicate emotions. The second album Bryter Layter, released in 1970, was a more upbeat affair, with members of Fairport Convention and John Cale lending a hand in the productions. However, both albums did not sell well, with Drake’s reluctance to do live performances as part of the reason. Drake was known to all his friends as someone who was brooding, introverted and morosely alienated. The commercial failure of Drake’s albums was deemed as a large blow to him, and he sank into depression and needed treatment.

It was during this period of depression that Nick Drake crafted his third and final album, Pink Moon. Legend has it that he recorded all of songs by himself alone on an acoustic guitar, and just dropped the master tapes on the counter of the recording company for producer Joe Boyd to collect. Boyd wisely retained the naked and bleak sound of the initial recordings by adding only a few piano pieces. This resulted in one of the bleakest, darkest, and most introspective album in the whole history of music. Although the whole album consists only of eleven short songs that did not even exceed thirty minutes, one can almost feel Drake’s sadness, pain and anguish while listening to this album. One of my all time favorite albums, I still feel touched by Drake’s calm yet disturbed voice, and intricate guitar playing whenever I listen to this album in the middle of the night.

Although Nick Drake recorded a few more songs at home before his death (released posthumously as Time Of No Reply), no new album was completed. On 25 November 1974, he went to bed after taking an overdose of his prescribed medication and never woke up again. Although the verdict of his autopsy was suicide, his friends and families disputed this, as Drake had seemed happier weeks before his untimely death. The truth of Nick Drake’s death may never be known, but judging from the music that he had left the world with, it would be an understatement to say that it was the most premature death in the history of folk music.

For more information regarding Nick Drake’s life and works, one can go to: http://www.nickdrake.net

My favorite Keith Jarret pieces...

(1) The Koln Concert, Part I

(2) The Vienna Concert, Part I

(3) Radiance, Part VIII

(4) Paris Concert, October 17, 1988

(5) The Koln Concert, Part IIa, IIb, IIc

(6) Solo Concert, Lausanne

(7) The Melody At Night With You, Someone To Watch Over Me

(8) Always Let Me Go, Waves

(9) Facing You, Lalene

(10) Tokyo '96, Never Let Me Go

Listening to Mark Kozelek @ 28

I had to go to his concert, even though it was going to be a busy week for me. Well, I skipped Low when they were at my college the last time around, but I was never a big Low fan, and this time it was different. It was Mark Kozelek, frontman for the Red House Painters, the group that I found salvation for all my unrequitted love and yearnings as a teenage....

And yet it was different. It could be the tiredness. I have not slept well the night before. It could be that Mark did not belt out all the hits (Grace Catheral Park? Japanese to English? Evil? Have You Forgotten?) ... or at least my favorite Red House Painters songs. Not to take anything away from his performance. I still enjoyed myself, but it did not connect with me on a personal level.

Then he was off the stage, citing tiredness. The crowd called for an encore. He duly obliged, asking us which songs we wanted him to play. There were so many that we can choose from.

"Katy Song .... Please god, YOU HAVE TO!"

Someone in the audience shouted out the thoughts in my mind.

Mark was relunctant, claiming that he had not played the song for a long time. Who could blame him? If I had written a poem that talked about the demise of my once-love, and it had somehow became popular, I would not want to deal with it to. Imagine. Everytime you read the poem at a recital, and it brings back haunted memories.

But he did play the song. And that was the first time in the whole evening when I felt a tinge of emotion. Not necessary sadness. I can't even remember the girl who had caused me to listen to this song over and over again in my teenage years. But the lyrics somehow seemed to evoke a rush of emotions inside me, something I just cannot put into words. Was it a reminensce of past follies? Or was it the warmth of knowing that I have grown up over the immaturities of youth? I didn't know... Or was it just that feeling one gets when one sees a very old friend?

I looked over at the person who shouted out for Mark to play Katy Song just now. His eyes was closed, and he seemed deeply engrossed in his thoughts and the song. Did he have a memory that was associated with that song? Did he also have someone who had left or rejected him? He must have. I think there is no way one can listen to Katy song and love it without linking it to some personal experience of theirs.... The reason why this is such a great song is not because of its nice melody or lyrics, but because it connects to people at a personal level....

At least I knew I enjoyed it, kind of a nostalgic way. A 28 years old looking back at his 18 years old self and wondering what had happened in between???

Whatever it was, it certainly made my night.

Katy Song

Lyrics: Mark Kozelek

some escape some doors to open
this path seems the blackest but i
guess it's the soonest
but there in the clearing i
know you'll be wearing
your young aching smile and
waving your hand

can't go with my heart when i
can't feel what's in it i
thought you'd come over
but for some reason you didn't

glass on the pavement under my shoe
without you is all my life amounts to

a final sleep no
words from my cutting
mouth to your ear or
taut wicked pinches
from my fingers to your bitter face
that i can't heal

i know tomorrow
you will be
somewhere in london
living with someone
you've got some kind of family
there to turn to
and that's more than i could ever give you

a chance for calm
a hope for freedom
outlet from my cold solitary kingdom
by the forest of our spring stay
where you walked away

and left a bleeding part of me
empty and bothered
watching the water
quiet in the corner
numb and falling through
without you what does my life amount to?

My favorite Joni Mitchell Songs

(10) In France They Kiss On The Main Streets

(9) Both Sides Now

(8) Big Yellow Taxi

(7) Sunny Sunday

(6) Sex Kills

(5) A Case of You

(4) Woodstock

(3) Amelia

(2) The Circle Game

(1) Chinese Cafe (Unchained Melody)

Top 15 albums in 2005

Of course, this is not a comprehensive selection mainly due to fact of the lack of $$$ to buy all the albums that I want, and also the time to listen to them. However, these are 15 good albums that I have listened to this year.


15) 周杰伦 《十一月的肖邦》

Of course he is repeating himself. He has been doing that ever since 2003. However, you can repeat yourself until you sound boring, or repeat yourself but still be refreshing. I think Jay belongs to the latter. The critics have been very harsh on him, but then again, maybe it is because he is Jay Chow. If this had come from another artiste, the critics would be gushing over this album.


14) Sleater Kinney 《The Woods》

Forget punk. To quote David Berman, it has been dead ever since the last kid said “Punk’s not dead”. Forget grrrl rock. If Avril Lavagne (or what’s her name) is the best many people can think of when they associate “women” and “rock” together, then this is dead as well. But then again, there is still Sleater Kinney.


13) Silver Jews 《Tanglewood Numbers》

I remembered someone said that poets are the most cruel and sadistic people around. They are the kind of people who fight the demons of their own existence in which most of us would not even think about, get wounded in the process, and then examine those wounds in order to come out with poetry. Think of sprinkling salt on your wounds to justify your existence. Hence, is it any surprising that David Berman of the Silver Jews, an accomplished poet in his own right, writes about his battle with depression and attempted suicide for the past year in his new album? And there must be a sadistic streak in most of us, for we immerse ourselves in the catharsis of this outcome that manifests itself as songs in this album.


12) Bonnie “Prince” Billy and Matt Sweeney 《Superwolf》

In Superwolf, Will Oldham (Bonnie “Prince” Billy) strips off the lush aural backdrops of his previous Bonnie “Prince” Billy albums and returns to his Palace days, with hints of Vivas Las Blues. Although Matt Sweeney has been included in this album as a supposedly “challenge” to Will Oldham and to add something new to the music, make no mistake about it, this is an album with Will Oldham’s name all over it.


11) 陈绮贞 《华丽的冒险》

The album title “Beautiful Risks” probably refers to the bold change in musical style by Cheer Ego. This album sounds more like a rock record when compared to her previous folksy albums, even though the folk reference is obvious. It is refreshing to hear the new versions of the singles “The Meaning of Travel” and “Sentimental Kills”.


10) 陈升 《鱼说》

Okay, I admit. I’m very biased. This is shameless idolizing. I mean, he is clearly recycling some of his own tunes in his new songs. There is a tone of resignation in his voice that is uncharacteristic of the old Bobby Chen. However, the fact that this albums still ranks above most Chinese albums out in the market speaks volumes about the dumbing down of listeners rather than to his talents. Oh, by the way, his lyrics are still one of the best around town.

9) Fiery Furnaces 《EP》

Catchy tunes and fun beats! Quirky effects and unexpected musical twists! This is what pop music should be all about: simple, elegant and catchy hooks. After releasing their masterpiece 《Bluesberry Boat》 in 2004, Fiery Furnaces followed up with this compilation of b-side tracks. Some hardcore fans would even say that this ranks above 《Bluesberry Boat》, as the Fiery Furnaces let go of their inhibition and become more experimental in these b-sides.


8) M83 《Before The Dawn Heals Us》

For me nothing could beat their epic album 《Red Seas, Dead Cities & Lost Ghost》. 《Before The Dawn Heals Us》 attempts to pick up from where the previous album left off, including in it more voice cuts to add dramatization to the music. However, this is probably the reason why I prefer 《Red Seas, Dead Cities & Lost Ghost》, for the emotion is carried by the strength of the music. However, having said this, this doesn’t mean that 《Before The Dawn Heals Us》 is a bad album. It is always so difficult to surpass oneself, like an old saying: “What if you had suddenly realized that the peak in your life has passed?”


7) Martha Wainwright 《 Martha Wainwright 》

I fell in love with this album upon the first listen, and I challenge anyone to listen to the opening track 《Far Away》 and not be touched. Reminds one of an early Joni Mitchell, except Martha Wainwright is probably a more agitated and wrecked version, but complete with the wistful voice and poetic sound.


6) Sigur Ros 《Takk》

If 《( )》 completely sucked because it was oozing over the brim with faked artistic pretensions and, then Sigur Ros salvaged their reputation with 《Takk》. Even though the approach is similar to their previous albums, 《Takk》 sounds much warmer and hopeful. If 《Ágætis Byrjun》 remind one of the wintry chills of desolation and despairs, then 《Takk》 must surely remind one of the springtime of hope.


5) Keith Jarrett 《Radiance》

Is Keith Jarrett just a pretensious fuck or is he the greatest jazz pianist alive? You decide. But then again I challenge anyone to listen to the opening track of 《Koln Concert》 and not be touched. Of course, 《Radiance》 might not pack the same emotional punch as 《Koln Concert》, but it does find Keith Jarrett at his best technique-wise, yet without losing that experimental touch that has been with him throughout his solo-piano playing career.


4) The Decemberist 《Picaresque》

I’ve said all there is to say about the Decemberist in an early posting on this blog. So if you did not read it, go check the archives and read it again.


3) Wolf Parade 《Apologies To The Queen Mary》

It is perhaps unsurprising to find traces of Modest Mouse in Wolf Parade, given that Issac Brock, the lead singer of Modest Mouse, produces this album. However, it would be unfair to just write off Wolf Parade as a Modest Mouse rip-off, as they have their own distinctive sound, which is something like a cross between Modest Mouse, Arcade Fire and Interpol. If you’re a fucking fan of indie rock music and you haven’t got this album, get off your ass.


2) Vashti Bunyan 《Lookaftering》

Unlike Nick Drake who died from an overdose of anti-depressant drugs, Vashti Bunyan managed to see her music earn recognition. Her cult-classic 《Just Another Diamond Day》 was deservingly given a reissue after thirty years in 2000, and if one listen to this album, it might not be surprising why she did not go down the self-destructive path that Nick Drake has chosen. Unlike Drake’s depressive personality as reflected in his music, Vashti Bunyan’s music revealed her cheerful yet whimsical character. She followed up with the album 《Lookingaftering》 in 2005, the title a reference to the years of looking after her family after she dropped out from the music industry. And listening to the songs, it seems as though Vashti Bunyan has not aged a day.


1) Antony and the Johnson 《I Am A Bird Now》

I can write the same adjectives that most music critics used when they describe Antony’s newest album: powerful, simple, emotional, intimate, exhilarating and disquieting. I can make references to his obvious androgyny and his obvious yearnings to be freed from a body whose sex that is not of his choice. I can talk about the various guest singers on this album, a veritable who’s who in the indie music scene, and that even with all these Antony’s voice and music remains the highlight of the whole album. But I will not. Because words will not even convey even the slightest portrait of this album. Whenever I choose my album of the year, my friends will always (after listening to my choice) disagree with me. Well, some like Pepsi and some like Coke. I can spend the rest of my time describing to you why this is the album of the year for me, but a more simple way will be for you to listen to the album itself. None of those friends who had disagreed previously disagrees.

The Decemberist

Neutral Milk Hotel.

In almost all the reviews on The Decemberist’s albums, critics have unanimously compared them to that of indie music legends, Neutral Milk Hotel. It’s just a matter of counting the words, and then anticipating how many words the critic could write before dropping the reference. This review is no exception, and it goes one better, by putting NMH’s name from the beginning of the article.

It is not surprising that The Decemberist has been compared to Neutral Milk Hotel. Besides the obvious love of blaring horn instruments, the suspicious influence of European folk music, and the bizarre and dreamlike album covers, one need not listen too far into The Decemberist to realize the most striking similarity between Colin Meloy and Jeff Magnum is the surrealistic style of story-telling with their music. The almost sub-conscious stream-like lyrics of both men, evocative of that dream you had last night. Not nightmarish, but a story-telling that is so illogical that it can only happen in dreams. For example, Jeff Magnum talks about “the only girl I only loved was born with roses in her eyes, where they killed and buried her alive one night in Holland 1945”, while Colin Meroy speaks of “My name is Leslie Anne Levine” who “still clung onto the petticoats of the girl who died with me”.

However, it would be unfair to The Decemberist if one were to say that they are similar to NMH. While Jeff Magnum pushed his music to the brink a surrealistic dreamscape, Colin Meroy still maintains a sense of human emotions in his writings. To draw an appropriate analogy, while NMH’s song might be dreams that makes you wonder “what-the-fuck-was-that” when you wake up, there are songs in The Decemberist which would make you feel a tinge of melancholy when you lay awake in bed.

I’ve recently purchased all three albums (ouch, a hole in the pocket) released by The Decemberist for the past three years. Which one of them do I recommend? All of them. Asking me to choose between them would be like asking me to choose between whether NMH was better or NMH was better. Now that’s a no-brainer.

27 years old, listening to NIN

27 years old, listening to NIN

Or Nine Inch Nails. Or Trent Reznor. The greatest fucking industrial music in the world. At least that was my opinion when I was in high school. I mean, when you are an immature 18 years old filled with teenage angst and a general rebellious streak to the whole fucking system you perceive as shitty, the lyrics and music of NIN must have struck a chord in you. Especially when you are a pimpled face nerd with no luck in engaging the opposite sex, listening to NIN in the quiet solace of the night (hmm, note the irony here) seemed all so meaningful.

And of course, you write “poems” like this:

My Self Destruct

I need a bullet for my head
A little hatred to have it made
Hold the shotgun in your hands
And push the trigger with repent

I need a knife for my heart
Jealousy to rip it apart
Guide the blade with your hands
And thrust it in with all your love sent

I need a drug for my fucked-up mind
Or forever I will be a swine
Pump the dope in my veins
And like an angel I shall not feel pain

I'm the vampire in the dark
A souless body filled with muck
Kill me off with the daylight sun
And forever will darkness be undone

Or this:

God

God is an atheist and he knows it
Ties you up with his fucked-up creed
Your wisdom is bullshit but not his
Your knowledge is useless against him
So god help me and let my soul be free

God is a mortal and he knows it
Cut him up and he'll surely bleed
For one that falls there is still another
And the words will bend and he's still your father
So god help me and let my body be free

God does not exists and he knows it
Although god will help the faithful indeed
For he knows a miracle can spread his deed
And on their hope he will sow the seeds
So god redeem me and let ME be free

Or even more embarrassing, this:

One

A minute of silence
for a second of peace
A minute of restrain
for a second of pain
A minute of containment
for a second of indulgence
A minute of your love
for a second of my self-contempt

And for a minute of eternal bliss

I'll use you
fuck you
drain you
kill you

In exchange for a second of eternal hate


Of course, one grows up. Then you see the world is not as bleak and grey as it seemed. You have a girlfriend. You start to think about your career. You start to listen to other singers, or read more mature books, and start seeing the world not in a dichotomy of black and white. Heck, it is not even grey, but a kaleidoscopic mix of rainbow colors. Some would say millions of colors, if you are a Macintosh fan.

Anyway, you start alienating from NIN. You diss it. Yeah, it was just some juvenile teenage shit that you got into when you were an immature pimpled faced 18 years old. Nah, you don’t listen to it anymore, the lyrics just makes you want to laugh. Not only at its seemingly childish portrayal of a kitschy depression, but at your own stupidity when you were 18 years old. You look at those 18 years old teenagers lapping up the poorer spin-offs on NIN, and you shake your head. Yeah, been there done that.

27 years old, listening to NIN. Here. Now. The strange thing is although I still admit the lyrics sounds childish and juvenile, the eerie thing is that it still somehow connects. Somewhere. Deep inside, like there is this rebellious streak in me that never really disappeared with age. Somehow, when one, in the middle of the night, listens to this song below:

Hurt

I hurt myself today to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole, the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away but I remember everything

what have I become, my sweetest friend
everyone I know goes away in the end
you could have it all, my empire of dirt
I will let you down, I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time the feeling disappear
you are someone else, I am still right here

what have I become, my sweetest friend
everyone I know goes away in the end
you could have it all, my empire of dirt
I will let you down, I will make you hurt
if I could start again a million miles away
I would keep myself, I would find a way



There is a connection. I can empathize. I know exactly what the lyrics means. Even though I am now 27 years old but everything NIN sang still made sense. It is like I’ve never grown up. Or maybe I have. Maybe everything that I thought was right at 18 years old was right, but between the periods of time where I dissed NIN, that was when I was wrong.

Nah, it’s probably nostalgia. Or the four bottles of beer I had just now. When I wake up tomorrow morning, I’ll probably find the lyrics childish and juvenile again. Haha.

Maybe.


PS: This piece is dedicated to HB, who I know is also an NIN fan. Yeah man, I know exactly what you mean when you say that you still listen to NIN from time to time.

十首我最喜欢的阿升的歌

十首我最喜欢的阿升的歌



要我选出十首我最喜欢的陈升的歌曲，这实在是非常困难的一个选择，就如同要个喜欢看美女的人选择十位他觉得漂亮的女生。想了又想，决定选择十首在我人生的某个阶段里对我有巨大影响的歌曲，排名大概不分先后吧。


(10) 如风的少年 (收录在<我喜欢私奔和我自己>专辑)

我的第一本小说也叫 "如风的少年"。还有什么疑问吗？


(9) 无神论者的悲歌 (收录在<我喜欢私奔和我自己>专辑)

没有信仰是不是一种罪？我不知道，但我却知道在自己还属于无神论者的阶段时，这首歌不知道多少次拯救了我。我现在是个不知否论者。


(8) 不安的年代 (收录在专辑)

因为世纪末。因为生活在鸟不拉屎的年代。因为恐惧。因为害怕生命中真的没有意义。就如同这首歌里的一句话：活着岂止是活着，一定还有什么生存的理由。


(7) Lonely Soldier (收录在<风筝>专辑)

我没有每次都穿着一个灰色的大衣。至少，大家都看不见吧。然而，我知道孤独之兵的感觉是怎么样的。因为只有懂得孤独的人才会孤独。


(6) 国界 ((收录在<别让我哭>专辑)

尽管这首歌有超过一半是以日文演唱，我怎么也听不懂，不过光听配乐就仿佛可以看到刘若英所谓的“我在你我之间，依赖着你对我说的话” 到底是什么样子了。


(5) 姑姑 (收录在<恨情歌>专辑)

这是一首会给人希望的歌。


(4) 喝完这杯咖啡我就离开 (收录在<思念人之屋>专辑)

不骗你，这大概是阿升写的最好的情歌吧。


(3) Last Order (收录在<风筝>专辑)

如果你在今夜死掉，对这个世界没有什么不一样。It’s okay，人家都不要，是你过份放纵的情感。从此，我就以这种态度来面对自己偶尔会发作的蓝色忧郁心情。


(2) Π (收录在合辑)

像失去了什么，在寻找些什么。过了二十五岁后，这是我心情的最佳写照吧。


(1) 欲望之潮来袭时 (收录在<放肆的情人>专辑)


年近三十，仍然在寻找那个可以让自己远离诱惑不安的方法，那个理想的地方。

Antony and the Johnsons: I Am a Bird

Antony and the Johnsons: I Am a Bird




An often criticism of the great Ella Fitzgerald was that even though her singing technique was probably second to none, she did not know how to sing with emotion. When Billie Holiday made her last record, Lady in Satin, her voice had deteriorated so badly that critics described it as though it was a piece of cloth shredded to pieces due to too many washes in the machine. However, Lady in Satin was hailed by most as one of Billie Holiday’s greatest piece of work, because it was like she put all her emotions into the music, singing about death, depression and desolation.

Music is a medium of communication, and as all of us are emotional beings, it makes sense that to define good music as something that can convey real emotions over to the audience. For Antony and the Johnson’s I am a bird, the moment it starts spinning on your disc drive and the music comes out of the speakers, one feels as though Antony is not singing to you, but communicating with you emotionally. The opening line of the first song, Hope There’s Someone, immediately sets the stage for this emotional confession that is found throughout the whole album: Hope there’s someone who’ll take care of me when I die, when I go.

However, take nothing away from the song writing of Antony and the arrangement of the music in this album. Things are kept simple here, and nothing is overdone, so as to emphasis on the one quality that really stands out in this album: Antony’s voice, which reminds one of those cabaret and opera singers. The selection of the guests vocalists in this album, including Lou Reed, Devandra Banhart, Boy George and Rufus Wainwright are also excellent, such that each guest’s distinctive vocal quality is specifically selected such that it fits the songs.

Hardly have I been touched by an album so raw on emotions. This album easily ranks as my top album of 2005 as of now.