What The Introduction Means In English

(This is a translation of the introduction on myself. For the benefit of those who don't understand Chinese)


Tan Wah Pheow: A boring and self-contradictory entity. Came into this god-forsaken world unprepared, just because my mother wanted to play a joke on humanity. Hence was forced to accept life, and those things in which we do not understand. Cynical yet playful. Sentimental yet logical. Prefers literature on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, while morphing into a scientist on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. No resting on Sundays, becoming a soccer player. An agnostic, yet still complains like a woman with PMS to God almost everyday about the dullness of life. However, have been taught by Lao Tze's Tao Te Ching that although one is not the most fortunate person in the world, neither is one the most unfortunate. Hates religion, hypocritic moral guidelines and politics. Loves too many things, hence will use "life" as a generic term to describe things I love. Having lived on Earth for more than a quarter of a century, feels that the greatest achievement has to be: I am still alive.

Here Doggie Doggie 

蟑螂与蝴蝶

One of the earliest poems I've written. It remains one of my favorites.

像是天使与魔鬼的邂逅
我遇见了你
在城市的边缘

你劝我放下戒心
走出角落的黑暗
这是美丽的春天
你说自己前世是毛虫

我信了你 于是
展开褐色翅膀我飞向光明
即使眼眸不能承受 我也快乐
与你飞翔 我仿佛升华

美好事物总像飞蛾扑火
飞进迷雾 我开始坠落
生命像火花在眼前逝去

我含着泪终于了解
天堂永远圣洁
而被诅咒的我
只能污秽于地狱

一切都结束了
当春天来临
当我的身躯
落在这城市的一隅
唯一无法释怀
是你不会明白
我的死亡
与春天的关系

Keelung 

deer

we drove up the early dawn
from the winding past unknown
to each in the other’s thoughts

winter chill frosted on the windshield
blurring the darkness from without
stirring the darkness from within
reflecting this moment from the previous
the unreal edges of our past meld into the future

in the vortex of this troubled persistence
we were distracted by a slight flicker of light
movement beyond the darkness breaking into
a herd of animals wandering into our sights

we could not ascertain their identities
in our minds those four-legged figures
morphed from ferocious wolves in my mind
to the tamed and timid deer in your eyes

and when i claimed them to be wolves
your deer were transformed into those
ferociousness from my mind which was
beginning to believe what you had saw

it wasn’t until the first of many hooves
illuminated by the moon that had crept
out from the clouds that had us believe
that these animals were deer
that our fears were redundant

in this relieved silence i held
your hands and those uncertainties
faded away, like those deer that
intruded, into the distance
into the future uncertain distance

今生

长发溪流着温柔
从你的过去到我的脸颊
连接那些酣睡的梦田

深夜的惊醒如同忐忑
彼此的不安还没温习
现实，因为害怕夜晚
以及窗外刮起的风

直到感觉未曾放手的拥抱
安抚着混乱的此时
此刻聆听你的呼吸
规划着我们未来
蓝图节奏出
永恒的今世
今生

It's By The Sea 

不应该存在的神话

(刊登于联合早报2006年1月8日)


韩国干细胞研究者黄禹锡捏造实验数据的事件被揭发后，许多评论者都揣测导致这个科学和学术界丑闻的主要原因。有人把矛头指向韩国人的急功近利文化。有人说这是政界与学术界挂钩的结果。还有人指出这是媒体争相吹捧所造就的现象。

许多评论者把此事件形容为黄禹锡神话的破灭。同样从事着科学研究的行列，我在看待这事件时认为神话根本就不该存在。任何从事科学研究工作的同仁大概都会有同样的经验：每个成功实验的背后都是无数次失败实验。即使研究成功，也不会说是完全成功了。科学的主要指导原则是所有的新理论都只是 “有待论证的假设” ，因为任何科学理论都有可能被新的证据推翻。

然而，当媒体有意把某位科学研究者捧成媒体宠儿时，就同时神化了这个人物，让大众把他当成偶像崇拜，与科学和学术研究里所重视的质疑精神背道而驰。如果碰到没有责任感和职业道德的研究者，大概就如同黄禹锡一样吧。如果是有责任感的科学研究者，就应当以虚心的态度面对，并且避免被卷入媒体的旋涡。当然，有职业道德的研究者也都不会利用媒体推销自己的理论和研究成果。

我觉得黄禹锡事件还透露了另一个事实，也就是或许多数的大众媒体还未具备可以准确地报导有关科学研究的新闻的能力。我经常从大众媒体听到某些惊人的科学研究结果而进一步去调查时，才发现很多时候不是媒体夸大其词，就是在解读科学研究的过程中完全搞错了。然而，并不是所有的人都会像本人一样吃饱饭没事做。他们通常就把媒体所报导当成真理。

许多大众媒体都必须把讯息浓缩到可以挤到有限的版位空间或者空中时间。然而，要彻底地了解任何科学研究就必须了解该研究的背景。很可惜，这些知识往往在媒体编辑新闻的过程中被删除掉，导致很多科学研究报导在大众媒体中呈现断章取意的现象。不仅如此，某些媒体喜欢利用引人注目的头条，这很多时候只会误导大众，把重点放在研究以外的东西。

虽然我相信规模较大的媒体公司都会聘用科学系毕业的记者来跑科学新闻，不过这些记者对於艰深的高科技也未必都完全明了。因此，当这种状况发生时，记者必须花更多的时间去试图了解其中的内容，或者得花多些心思与其他专家确认。然而，由于不同媒体公司之间的激烈竞争，面对着独家和首播的压力，通常都会忽略再度确认新闻的真实性，或者寻求第三者的意见 (学术界里有些研究者较早时已经对黄禹锡的研究产生怀疑了)。这个情况在本地或许不是很普遍吧。

当然，大众媒体没有能力应付科学研究方面的新闻未必是导致黄禹锡事件的主要和唯一原因。如果一个人有心要欺骗和隐瞒时，那么要把他的谎言揪出来也没这么简单。毕竟，学术界也是经过了两年多的时间才把此骗局拆穿。当然，我也不是说大众媒体并非完全没有能力报导有关科学研究方面的新闻。毕竟，在韩国还是有某个电视节目在经过调查后，勇敢地揭发黄禹锡的罪行。然而，这个节目却遭到其他媒体的攻击，结果还惨遭停播的命运。由此可见，一般大众媒体还必须增强在这方面的能力吧。

要不然的话，如同黄禹锡这个原本就不应该存在的 “神话” 大概还会陆续地重演吧。

Yellow Shoes 

The Hugging Tree, Queens West Street, Downtown Toronto 

Top 15 albums in 2005

Of course, this is not a comprehensive selection mainly due to fact of the lack of $$$ to buy all the albums that I want, and also the time to listen to them. However, these are 15 good albums that I have listened to this year.


15) 周杰伦 《十一月的肖邦》

Of course he is repeating himself. He has been doing that ever since 2003. However, you can repeat yourself until you sound boring, or repeat yourself but still be refreshing. I think Jay belongs to the latter. The critics have been very harsh on him, but then again, maybe it is because he is Jay Chow. If this had come from another artiste, the critics would be gushing over this album.


14) Sleater Kinney 《The Woods》

Forget punk. To quote David Berman, it has been dead ever since the last kid said “Punk’s not dead”. Forget grrrl rock. If Avril Lavagne (or what’s her name) is the best many people can think of when they associate “women” and “rock” together, then this is dead as well. But then again, there is still Sleater Kinney.


13) Silver Jews 《Tanglewood Numbers》

I remembered someone said that poets are the most cruel and sadistic people around. They are the kind of people who fight the demons of their own existence in which most of us would not even think about, get wounded in the process, and then examine those wounds in order to come out with poetry. Think of sprinkling salt on your wounds to justify your existence. Hence, is it any surprising that David Berman of the Silver Jews, an accomplished poet in his own right, writes about his battle with depression and attempted suicide for the past year in his new album? And there must be a sadistic streak in most of us, for we immerse ourselves in the catharsis of this outcome that manifests itself as songs in this album.


12) Bonnie “Prince” Billy and Matt Sweeney 《Superwolf》

In Superwolf, Will Oldham (Bonnie “Prince” Billy) strips off the lush aural backdrops of his previous Bonnie “Prince” Billy albums and returns to his Palace days, with hints of Vivas Las Blues. Although Matt Sweeney has been included in this album as a supposedly “challenge” to Will Oldham and to add something new to the music, make no mistake about it, this is an album with Will Oldham’s name all over it.


11) 陈绮贞 《华丽的冒险》

The album title “Beautiful Risks” probably refers to the bold change in musical style by Cheer Ego. This album sounds more like a rock record when compared to her previous folksy albums, even though the folk reference is obvious. It is refreshing to hear the new versions of the singles “The Meaning of Travel” and “Sentimental Kills”.


10) 陈升 《鱼说》

Okay, I admit. I’m very biased. This is shameless idolizing. I mean, he is clearly recycling some of his own tunes in his new songs. There is a tone of resignation in his voice that is uncharacteristic of the old Bobby Chen. However, the fact that this albums still ranks above most Chinese albums out in the market speaks volumes about the dumbing down of listeners rather than to his talents. Oh, by the way, his lyrics are still one of the best around town.

9) Fiery Furnaces 《EP》

Catchy tunes and fun beats! Quirky effects and unexpected musical twists! This is what pop music should be all about: simple, elegant and catchy hooks. After releasing their masterpiece 《Bluesberry Boat》 in 2004, Fiery Furnaces followed up with this compilation of b-side tracks. Some hardcore fans would even say that this ranks above 《Bluesberry Boat》, as the Fiery Furnaces let go of their inhibition and become more experimental in these b-sides.


8) M83 《Before The Dawn Heals Us》

For me nothing could beat their epic album 《Red Seas, Dead Cities & Lost Ghost》. 《Before The Dawn Heals Us》 attempts to pick up from where the previous album left off, including in it more voice cuts to add dramatization to the music. However, this is probably the reason why I prefer 《Red Seas, Dead Cities & Lost Ghost》, for the emotion is carried by the strength of the music. However, having said this, this doesn’t mean that 《Before The Dawn Heals Us》 is a bad album. It is always so difficult to surpass oneself, like an old saying: “What if you had suddenly realized that the peak in your life has passed?”


7) Martha Wainwright 《 Martha Wainwright 》

I fell in love with this album upon the first listen, and I challenge anyone to listen to the opening track 《Far Away》 and not be touched. Reminds one of an early Joni Mitchell, except Martha Wainwright is probably a more agitated and wrecked version, but complete with the wistful voice and poetic sound.


6) Sigur Ros 《Takk》

If 《( )》 completely sucked because it was oozing over the brim with faked artistic pretensions and, then Sigur Ros salvaged their reputation with 《Takk》. Even though the approach is similar to their previous albums, 《Takk》 sounds much warmer and hopeful. If 《Ágætis Byrjun》 remind one of the wintry chills of desolation and despairs, then 《Takk》 must surely remind one of the springtime of hope.


5) Keith Jarrett 《Radiance》

Is Keith Jarrett just a pretensious fuck or is he the greatest jazz pianist alive? You decide. But then again I challenge anyone to listen to the opening track of 《Koln Concert》 and not be touched. Of course, 《Radiance》 might not pack the same emotional punch as 《Koln Concert》, but it does find Keith Jarrett at his best technique-wise, yet without losing that experimental touch that has been with him throughout his solo-piano playing career.


4) The Decemberist 《Picaresque》

I’ve said all there is to say about the Decemberist in an early posting on this blog. So if you did not read it, go check the archives and read it again.


3) Wolf Parade 《Apologies To The Queen Mary》

It is perhaps unsurprising to find traces of Modest Mouse in Wolf Parade, given that Issac Brock, the lead singer of Modest Mouse, produces this album. However, it would be unfair to just write off Wolf Parade as a Modest Mouse rip-off, as they have their own distinctive sound, which is something like a cross between Modest Mouse, Arcade Fire and Interpol. If you’re a fucking fan of indie rock music and you haven’t got this album, get off your ass.


2) Vashti Bunyan 《Lookaftering》

Unlike Nick Drake who died from an overdose of anti-depressant drugs, Vashti Bunyan managed to see her music earn recognition. Her cult-classic 《Just Another Diamond Day》 was deservingly given a reissue after thirty years in 2000, and if one listen to this album, it might not be surprising why she did not go down the self-destructive path that Nick Drake has chosen. Unlike Drake’s depressive personality as reflected in his music, Vashti Bunyan’s music revealed her cheerful yet whimsical character. She followed up with the album 《Lookingaftering》 in 2005, the title a reference to the years of looking after her family after she dropped out from the music industry. And listening to the songs, it seems as though Vashti Bunyan has not aged a day.


1) Antony and the Johnson 《I Am A Bird Now》

I can write the same adjectives that most music critics used when they describe Antony’s newest album: powerful, simple, emotional, intimate, exhilarating and disquieting. I can make references to his obvious androgyny and his obvious yearnings to be freed from a body whose sex that is not of his choice. I can talk about the various guest singers on this album, a veritable who’s who in the indie music scene, and that even with all these Antony’s voice and music remains the highlight of the whole album. But I will not. Because words will not even convey even the slightest portrait of this album. Whenever I choose my album of the year, my friends will always (after listening to my choice) disagree with me. Well, some like Pepsi and some like Coke. I can spend the rest of my time describing to you why this is the album of the year for me, but a more simple way will be for you to listen to the album itself. None of those friends who had disagreed previously disagrees.

寂寞的人聚向西方

(刊登于新洲日报，2006年1月)

1.

这座用尘埃堆积的岛屿
无法记起风吹的方向
如同抛锚停泊的船只
依然随波逐流，尽管
我们以为高楼大厦的砖头
见证了尘埃的硬化。因此
寂寞的人聚向西方相信
被夕阳拉长的影子有一天
能够与远方的巨人并肩
作战也可避免，如同免税
海港旁筑起虚拟的神话


2.

因为喧闹思想淹没了发言
权力的手抚慰着那些态度
激烈和温柔的改革者，脱下
印着口号的理想回家吃晚饭
就如同天真的女孩在墙上涂鸦
分不清是抽象的巨龙，还是
无心插柳的画蛇添足。然而
或许只是搞错历史次序的恐龙
穿着芭蕾舞鞋在市区广场
偏偏起舞，构成了妨碍的罪行


3.

我们误以为东方有位巨人
或许是视差模糊了焦点的距离
就如同在时光隧道倒退五千年的恐龙
也无法回到朱罗纪的草原，尽管
芭蕾舞鞋如何穿梭都显得格格不入
或者整个问题的重点在于
一双遗落的鞋子怎么样也找不到
主人。如此滑稽的一幅画面若是
把它想象成卡通就合情合理
或许若干年后那位小女孩长大
成人就把卡通和曾经的天真联想
一起。手牵着手的那些大厦高楼
风中摇曳。岛屿在地图上形状成
一个箭头指示标的位置，没有方向
指南针都不知所措，因此寂寞的人
必须效仿夸父不断追赶，尽管
忽左忽右的不是太阳。因此
寂寞的人都聚向西方

Pigeons In The Snow 

The Moose, Symbol of Canada 

Some Fucker Trying To Act Cool

有关中国文化

Note: This is something I wrote in reply to a PRC blogger's comment that Singaporeans have no culture while PRCs have. I just want to make a disclaimer here that this piece is purely for satirical purposes, and that I do not think that all PRCs are unreasonable people who likes to look down on other people. This is aimed at the "black sheep". ANYWAY, if you do not have a sense of humor, you probably shouldn't be reading this stuff.



闹钟的声响把你从温暖的梦中吵醒。你打开惺忪的双眼，看了看时间。已经是七点半了。墙上的日历显示今天是2006年1月2日。当然，此日历源于罗马教皇格利高里的年代，由他本人于1582年颁布教令开始启用，目的是取代原有的罗马儒略历，只因为他认为这可以更准确无误地让所有的天主教徒庆祝复活节。你翻开了棉被，伸了伸懒腰，打开了百叶窗，让阳光照射将来。当然，百叶窗是由一位居住在美国新奥尔良州，名字叫做约翰·汉普森的男子于1841年所发明的玩意儿。你慢慢地走到了洗澡间去，拿起了牙膏和牙刷，准备每天早上起床的例行活动。虽然古人都有清理牙齿的习惯，不过真正发明我们现在常用的牙刷的是位名叫威廉·阿第斯的英国人。他于1780年发明了牙刷。虽然没有人知道是谁发明牙膏的，不过文献显示最早利用牙膏的应该是埃及人。当然，你并没有思考着这个问题，只是例行地在马桶上拉屎小便。尽管许多古文明都有所谓茅厕的概念，不过真正想到利用水源来将秽物清除的人应该是英女王的亲戚约翰·哈林顿伯爵于1596年的主意。一般历史文献都把他称为现代的抽水马桶之父。你一边拉着你的陈年老屎，一边想着昨天晚上在互联网的某个诗歌网站上数落一群没有文化的人。当然，在二十年前，你大概就得利用书信或者投稿报纸来达到此目的，因为互联网也只不过是近十多年才流行起来的东西。当然，任何对於电脑历史了解的人就会知道所谓互联网的概念在六十年代于麻省理工大学诞生。你低头地回想昨天在留言板上所写的东西。哈，那些才建国不到40年的国家的人跟你谈什么历史嘛？咱们中国人不是有五千多年的文化和历史吗？秦朝的霸业，以及汉唐盛世，都是家喻户晓的事实了。当然，现在大家所认定的中国并非秦朝、汉朝以及唐朝时的中国，因为中国的版图一直在扩张和改变。当然，十九世纪时中国曾经一度失去了几块土地。都是那些贪得无厌的西方帝国强加在咱们身上的割地赔款的屈辱。哈哈，现在咱们的国家是全世界的强国之一，总有一天一定会让那些曾经欺负我们的人好看。当然，如果不是凡尔赛和约的话，或许今天中国的版图就会如同古时一样也说不定。这时，你确定自己的屎已经拉完了，伸手把厕纸拿来擦屁股。如果告诉你最早用厕纸是十四世纪的中国人，你大概会感到非常骄傲吧。哈哈，又是多一件咱们中国人发明的东西。就如同火药一样。如果不是咱们中国人的火药，现在的西方国家能够发明枪吗？当然，如果翻翻有关火药的记载文献，会发现其实在更早时候在古希腊也有关于火药的记载，而有些学者也怀疑火药其实也独立在欧洲大陆被发现。这大概是那些死西方学者为了抹杀咱们中国人的成就而搞出来的伎俩吧。真他妈的。就好像那些常常说有些中药会致癌的西方医学家一样吧。咱们中国五千多年的文化和历史，怎么会没有用呢？如果病倒了，最好的方法应该是去参考本草纲目，而不是去看医生吧？你一边如此地想，一边打开水龙头洗手。你想着昨晚如何说那些没有文化的人是怎么也不会懂得如何运用真正的中文。即使写的是中文，但怎么读起来也不像中文，反而像翻译文字。当然啦，五千年的丰富语文和文化历史，岂是这些没有文化的根的人可能了解的？当然，五千年前的中国人(尽管五千年前中国未统一) 所讲的中文跟现在也差不了多少吧？他们所写的文字也跟咱们现在所用的也没有什么差别吧？哼，那些死没有文化的岛民，真是懒得理他们了。你真庆幸你是一个有历史文化的中国人。