陋室铭, or Humble Abode

Definitely one of my favorite ancient chinese prose back in high school, not that I could remember a lot of it, either back then or now. Anyway, maybe it is because of the frugal lifestyle that I am living right now. Or maybe it is because I'm just too fucking lazy to do up my room, and adopts the "minimalist approach" so that I don't have to do too much cleaning up. Whatever. Wanted to find an English translation online so that my foreign friends understand what it means, but thought the translation were done so lousily that I decided to do it myself. Not that it is any better, but at least I could brag to my friends that I was the one that did the translation. Not that they can tell whether it is a good translation or not......

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陋室铭

山不在高，有仙则名。水不在深，有龙则灵。斯是陋室，唯吾德馨。苔痕上阶绿，草色入帘青。谈笑有鸿儒，往来无白丁。可以调素琴，阅金经。无丝竹之乱耳，无牍之劳形。南阳诸葛庐，西蜀子云亭。孔子曰∶“何陋之有？”



Humble Abode



A deity residing in a mountain makes it famous, regardless of the mountain’s height. A dragon inhabiting in a river makes it sacred, regardless of the river’s depth. Although this is but a humble abode, my virtues bestow upon it a fragrant scent. Green moss lines the steps, and the grass reflects an emerald glow onto the curtains. There is conversation with intellectual men, and the philistines are avoided. One can play the lute or read the sutras. No uncultured music to distract me, and no uninteresting work to tire me. It’s just like the way Zhuge lived in Nan Yang, or that of Ziyun’s life in Xishu. Confucius would have said: “How can this be a humble abode?”

Praying Mantis Outside My Window 

More Impression of Ames 

於此处

於此处



记得那天你从往事归来
冻结于皑皑的冰冷。踏出
屋外进入破晓前的浓雾
如同失落的鬼魂，我们
分不清苍白与苍白之间
彼此应当有的轮廓

於是我们疲惫不堪回忆里
播放出熟悉和温柔的人生
故事如同夏天蜉蝣慢慢坠落死亡
你说已经遗忘出发点和终点，行李箱
沉重了身躯就如同抛锚停泊的孤舟
於此处。某些东西在振动
於此处。有人呼唤你的名字
於是我们努力笔挺站立
就算大家命运着相同的一成不变

因为时间漏斗成坟墓的流沙所以
我们习惯用谎言沟通。譬如我们
宁可忽略渐渐瘫痪真理选择相信天使
存在于地球和月球之间，或者彼此
赤裸坦诚相对就可以窥见对方灵魂
还是我们从坍塌的围墙跳下就可以模糊
坠落和飘浮的界线如同这场没有欲望的做爱

我们的拥抱拥抱了我们无法解释的堕落
堕落了徘徊於此处的暧昧不清
究竟是我坠入你的怀中还是你依赖我的胸膛
或者只是两个无法得到拯救的灵魂拯救彼此
那深不见底的罪孽等同宽恕了过去

然而带着面具的我无法知道
只因为你说对生活感觉疲惫不堪
设想所有离开躯体的情境，譬如说
喝下毒蛇垂液所酿的酒必须干杯
用绳索系成的领带必须紧绕气管
在高空练习飞翔绝对不是假扮天使
只是一种重复你对生活厌倦的说法
或者我们都厌倦某种东西，於此处
或者我们都厌倦某种东西

Hopscotch From My Now Defunct Primary School 

How to make a valid argument

How to make a valid argument

“One of the fundamental ideas in science is the concept of falsification. It means that for any theory a person gives, there must be some evidence to show that the theory is wrong. If there is no way to show that the theory is wrong, it is worthless as an explanation.” Dr Cooper’s loud voice boomed across the lecture room.

“Now, we might say theories like the Marxian theory or the intelligent design theory isn’t really a theory, because whatever one says, those proposing these ‘theories’ have ways of arguing so that any evidence you give fits their theory. For example, if you say a public library is built to benefit the poor, which will prove the Marxian theory wrong, they’ll tell you the public library is just to keep the poor happy so that they won’t revolt. And if you say no public library will be built, they’ll say this is because the rich want to keep the resources for themselves and exclude the poor. Damn if you are and damn if you aren’t.”

“Now, one important lesson I’ve learnt from this and had applied to my daily life is that whenever I’m arguing with someone, and the argument seems to drag for longer than I expect, I would stop the person and ask him the question, ‘Is there anything I can say or show you that would make you agree with me?’. If the person says, ‘Absolutely no’, then I’ll just stop the discussion and walk away. This is because he probably has a theory on the topic that is not falsifiable in his head. There is no way you can talk him out of it. Hence, the best thing to do will just be to walk away and save your time.”

A hand was raised in the audience.

“But wouldn’t this walking away be a sign of weakness? The other party would have thought that you’ve conceded in your argument.”

“No. It would be a sign of weakness if you walk away from a real argument, when the two of you are on level playing field. But in this case, the other person will never ever change his mind no matter what. So what’s the point of arguing? It is not even an argument at all.”

“Of course, as a side note, whenever you want to engage in an argument with anyone and want to make sure that you are being fair to the other guy, ask yourself this question as well, ‘Is there anything the other party can show that will convince you that you are wrong?’. If your answer to this is no as well, you might as well not start the argument, because it just shows that you are not intending to make a good case, but is clouded in your judgment by blind faith.”

Dead Meat 

What keeps me going on

What keeps me going on

Below are part of the notes for my Research Methodology in Cognitive Psychology a few days back. Dr Dark went through some the basic foundations of what it means to be a scientist. Suddenly, I realise this was the reason why I travelled half the way round the globe to do my Ph.D. Before class started, or even before I departed for the States, I was having my usual doubts and misgivings about spending so much time and effort on studying while all my other friends are working and earning big bucks on their jobs. But first day into class, where I met Jeremiah who came up to talk to me about his research and asked me about my comments, all these started to make sense. And when I sat in Dr Cooper's class (because I was the teaching assistant) listening him giving a lecture to the undergraduates on why research is important, I felt better. Then attending all the seminars where the instructors were telling us about all the exciting new things that I will learn that will be relevant to my future research, I can't help but get excited. Now I'm just waiting to get my hands on some data collection.

To quote from a Guided By Voice's song: I am a scientist, I seek to understand. This might just be my mission statement in life.

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Review of the Scientific Method, Week 1

The scientist wants to understand the nature of the world.

The scientist is ignorant.

Ignorant = (lacks some knowledge)

Uses scientific method to fill the gap.

Simplified overview of the scientific method:

→→ consider observations/data
↑ ↓
↑ develop explanations/theories (inductive inferences)
↑ ↓
↑ develop hypothesis (make predictions deductive inference)
↑ ↓
←← perform test (collect observations/data)

Although a scientist's explanation can be wrong, the scientific method is self-correcting over time.

Assumptions of the scientific method:

1. Assume the reality of the universe.

Alternative is solopsism—the universe is created by you. If there is no real world, then there is no need to try to understand it.

2. Assume that the unverse is orderly because it follows causal laws.

If there is no order (no causal relationships, then there is nothing to be learned.

3. Assume that can learn about the universe from taking small unbiased samples

This is the basis of statistics. We can NOT observe the population, so there is no other choice. Another part of this statistical reasoning is the assumption of probabalistic determinism—when this occurs, that usually follows; in other words, the causal relationships are not 100% deterministic.

4. Humans are capable of understanding the universe.

a. Although the human perceptual system can be fooled,
it MUST be trusted. It is the only way we have to know about the world.

b. Although the human memory system is not perfect, it MUST be trusted. Learning is the discovery of orderliness in the universe. Order can only be seen by comparing across remembered experiences.

c. Deductive and Inductive Reasoning are to be trusted. The scientific method is to induce an explanation from the data, to deduce an hypothesis from the explanation.

The Three Rules of the scientific method:

1. The principle of public observability.

The only allowable data are empirical observations (publicly observable events). Allowable data must (in principle) be observable by anyone.

2. Only "solvable" problems are studied.

A problem is solvable if the question it poses can be answered yes or no by making empirical observations.

3. All concepts, terms, or phenomena must be operationally defined.

An operational definition specifies exactly what is meant by the term.
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SAVE THE COWS, EAT A VEGETARIAN

SAVE THE COWS, EAT A VEGETARIAN


These were the words on someone’s t-shirt as I cycled past him on campus. My initial reaction was that something had been printed wrongly. It wasn’t until five seconds later that the full meaning of the message dawned on me. I could not help but shake my head and smile wryly.

Doesn’t the message seem paradoxical on so many accounts? First, it highlights the apparent paradox of kindness. How in the hell do we know at times whether something we perceives as kindness is really kindness? Vegetarians think themselves as saviors to other animals by refusing to slay them, but the same animals probably see them as competitors for food. I think the same logic can be applied in cases where people think they are doing a great service to humanity by being universally charitable. Or this old Gary Larsson cartoon that I remembered: A fly was having a nightmare, and images of fly papers, bug sprays and fly swatters were in his dreams. In other words, a human being might think he is doing something good for the hygiene of other human beings if he annihilates all pesky flies in the vicinity. Not if one is a fly. Thomas Malthus probably got it right on his essay on population and scarcity of resources. I think Jared Diamond provides an update on this idea in his book. Betrand Russell also had something to this effect in one of his essays, although he was talking about moral and ethics in general.

The second irony I see is this: One sometimes has to be cruel in order to be kind. (Of course one can go into the relativistic arguments of what it means to define “kindness” and “cruelty”, but as this is just a blog writing and not a philosophy thesis, we will not go into that). Note that an act of cruelty (i.e., cannibalism) is suggested such that other life-forms (i.e., cows) are saved (i.e., an act of kindness). Many a times in our lives, we think the best way to be kind to other people, well, is to be kind to them. Well, sometimes this works, but most of the time this fails. I mean, which one of us have not looked back and thought that something we perceived as “cruel” at the point in which it happened was in fact an act of kindness? Or something that we thought was “kind” to us was in fact something nasty when we perceive it many years down the road? Remember the old Chinese saying about losing your horse and not knowing whether it is a fortune or misfortune? The same logic can probably be applied in this case as well. Just change “lose your horse” to “charitable act” and “misfortune/fortune” to “kindness/cruelty”.

Or how about this: there is no kindness or cruelty in the world? Whoa, depends on whose perspective you take then, isn’t it? Anyway, as I’m a human being rather than a cow (or pig or chicken or prawns or vegetables etc), I think I’ll stick to eating meat, just to save the vegetarians from being victims of cannibalism.

impression of ames

impression of ames


so many miles towards west and it is
still cloudless, these foreign eyes
extrapolate those highways into gold-paved
boulevards meandering into the unknown future
or the distant known past we call home

the scarecrow struggles in a sea of green
as the cornfields tries to drown him
together with those scattering of remote housings
all is silent with not a crow in sight

the squirrels and rabbits that would scurry off
startled when they cross my path, a total stranger
to the shadow that seemingly engulfs
i track their footsteps into the unseen places
amongst the whispering grass, the daffodil weeps
for the winds the jet-plane above carries away

the murmurings of downtown hides away
desolation, something that seems dead but yet
alive, as though barely hanging onto its last breath
the cakes in the cafes could not hide their loneliness
as the books on the shelves slowly ages
the photo shop opens until the next picture is taken
and everything will be gone by that time

suffer not the bored waitress in the fast-food joint
someday you will learn to appreciate this hectic dullness
just like me who will one day make sense of
all those changes in our lives
all those changes in their lives

小心降龙十八掌

小心降龙十八掌

民主与不民主之间

民主与不民主之间

(刊登于联合早报，2005年8月21日)

凯丽是我到了美国后第一位和我讨论政治课题的研究生。

我们当时正在咖啡厅里享用早餐，而我面前这位还认识不到一天的美国女生就突然单刀直入地问：“你觉得我国的总统怎么样？”

我想了想，然后委婉地回答：“嗯，对他并不是很了解，不过从媒体和报章上的报道，看来他并不受大家欢迎。”

尽管我对美国总统有强烈的意见，不过我记得出国前父亲的叮咛：初到异地还是别显得过于嚣张，做人也必须圆滑些。毕竟我还不知道凯丽是否是共和党或者民主党的支持者。如果她属于前者，我对美国总统的看法肯定会得罪她。

“不受欢迎？拜托，那是非常客气的说法吧？我讨厌死他了！你不觉得讽刺吗？在科技和各学术的领域里，美国几乎拥有全世界最顶极的精英。然而，我们却选出了这么一个低智商的总统。这证明了我们的政治体制有问题。” 凯丽抱怨说。

我思考了凯丽的话，然后告诉她有关新加坡的政治环境，并且以近期的总统提名为例子。她听了后皱了皱眉头，直摇着头批评说这并非她所认识的民主。

“然而，你所认识的民主却选出了你认为低智商的总统。” 我指出。

我在新加坡生活了二十多年，却从未有投票的机会。相信我这代的人有很多也和我一样吧。说实在的，我有时怀疑新加坡是否是个民主社会。然而，这并不会使我觉得困扰。我经常在网上读到对有关当局的反对文章，多数都是针对本地的政治体制不民主做批评。当然，他们所谓的民主都以西方 (尤其是美国) 的民主制度做为标准。这其中有个不成文的假设：民主制度是在众多政治体制中最好的。

是这样吗？或许只是见仁见智吧。对于没有投票过，我失望吗？当然失望。对于总统提名没有其他有足够资格的候选人来竞选，我担忧吗？当然担忧。对于有关当局在每次大选都把选区划得不三不四，我反感吗？当然反感。我们的政治体制有问题吗？当然有，而且非常多。然而，这就代表许多人所向往的民主体制就是完美的吗？

每当朋友和家人透过电缆电视台观看台湾的无数政治竞选，他们总会一边看着电视上的画面，一边大声批评台湾人把资源全都浪费在投票的行为。有些人也会批评这种竞选文化使得政府无法有效地治理国家。当然，我用台湾做为例子，因为我们对它比较熟悉。有许多采取民主制度的国家也面对了和台湾一样的问题。以上所阐述的问题大概是民主制度下必然产生的问题吧。

然而，每当有关当局在某个大选又宣布在某个选区不战而胜的消息，同样的人也一样怨声载道，抱怨有关当局不够民主。有些人还甚至批评有关当局根本是独裁。套句英文的谚语吧：You cannot have your own cake and eat it。

或许对熟悉美国民主制度的凯丽而言，我的看法过于极端和不成熟。或许因为礼貌的关系，所以凯丽只是表示不赞同我的看法，却没有激烈地反驳。或许这类的话题总是会演变到个 “公说公有理，婆说婆有理” 的局面吧，不可能会有个让大家都满意的答案吧。

不过，至少我没有机会选出一个低智商的总统。

More Memories From My Childhood 

Conversation With Y On Religion

Conversation With Y On Religion

“我开始领略在爱情里是没有所谓的对错或者输赢。”

“You are absolutely right. In fact, that's also the lesson I got out of my mum's death. The only logic in this world is tat u would do everything to please the one u love, and this will always be right. All other kinds of logic are objective, subjected to varying standards.” Y replied over the internet.

“在当下，我们没有办法知道自己所做的东西是对或错。” I typed.

“And if the one u loved is gracious, just, and wants u to be good, then all things you do will eventually be good. It's one of the main foundational concepts of Christianity. Hope you don’t mind.” Y replied.

“不，我不介意。It is one of the fundamental concepts of my life too, although I don't attach a name to it.”

“Try loving people around you as you would love the one u love.” Y preached

“Ask you something: if a person practices all the things a good Christian is to be practiced (or insert any other religion here), but refuses to call himself a Christian, how is he different from a Christian?” I asked.

“How can you love your mother so dearly and not call yourself her son?” Y replied.

“Bad analogy, what is the definition of son? If one lives righteously, subscribing to a lot of moral values found commonly in all religion, and yet remains agnostic, what difference does it make?” I asked.

“If u really practices "all" that you would as required from, say Christianity, you would have done what God wants u to do, not because you are his slave, but because you loved him. So the mother analogy works the same. Substitute it with God and you get the equation.” Y typed.

“The point I am trying to make here is: I don’t deny the god concept, as there is no way of falsifying it, but I have something against religions.”

“What is religion?” Y enquired.

“Bad human management.” I typed sarcastically.

“Haha, but not always true.”

“Not always untrue.”

“Man is fallible.”

“Yes, I understand.”

“We strive, but that's all we can do.” Y said.

“That I understand...”

“But does that mean if you practice agnosticism by yourself, you are infallible? I went through that, so I go to church to get a better understanding.”

“One: never give me that "I went through that" position. It is fucking offensive. Two: I never said I was infallible. Three: agnosticism is not a form of practice, at least to me, it is an attitude of how one perceives the world. It need not necessary only apply to god.” I retorted.

“Okay.”

“I just feel for me, whether god exists or not will not make a difference to whether I strive to become a good man. And of course I hope he exists, but I cannot be certain, so I suspend judgment.”
“When are you going to decide?” Y asked.

“When I die.”

“Dead man can't decide.” Y pointed out

“I thought the Christian beliefs say we have immortal souls? So what’s the difference between living and dying? Of course, based on the Christians beliefs, I’d rot in hell when I die. But if that is the way it shall be, then let it be.” I said sarcastically.

“Blah, don’t be pessimistic. Father in heaven is gracious if you would love him, like the way you love your parents, only more.” Y said.

“If he is gracious, he shouldn't care whether I believe in him or not. He shouldn't care whether I love him or not. He should only care whether I tried my best to be a good man to all those around me. That’s that.” I replied.

“But He can't bear to see you suffer in life.” Y said.

“在当下，我们无法确定什么是痛苦或者幸福。We can only connect the dots backwards. ” I said.

“Really?”

“Yupz.”

Something From My Childhood Memories 

Turkish Music

Turkish Music


“This is Turkey music!!!” Berna exclaimed in front of the van.

“Oh really? I don’t know much about Turkish music. This is a band in California called the Secret Chieftians 3. I think their stuff totally rocks.” Vig answered as he made a left turn into 13th Street.

“Yeah, I think the music is cool.” I said at the back of the van, as I tried to keep the two shelves me and Berna bought from a consignment shop in balance. Vig was the guy who was in charge of delivering the stuff we bought from the consignment shop to our house for a small sum of money.

“It’s surprising, I’m sure there must be a Turkey guy inside the band or something. Or maybe they come from Bulgaria. This sounds exactly like Turkish folk music.” Berna commented.

“Yeah, you like it?” Vig asked.

“Of course I like it, it reminds me of home.” Berna said.

“That’s probably what we Chinese called Yuan Fen, which means providence.” I said.

“Yan Fang?” Vig tried his utmost best to pronounce the Chinese words which I had just uttered.

“Yuan Fen.” I corrected his pronunciation.

“Yuan Fen.” Vig got it correct, albeit with a bit of Midwestern American accent to it.

“Yuan Fen.” The Turkish accented pronunciation came from Berna.

“Cool.”

On The Walls Of Angkor 

Mandy's Lament

Mandy's Lament


“I’m feeling quite lost in life. I don’t know where I will be five years down the road.” My handphone showed the text message from Mandy. Although I could not see her, I imagined her face to be forlorn.

“Well, to tell you the truth, I also don’t know where I’ll be five years down the road too. In fact, let me tell you a little secret: I often wake up in the middle of the night, gasping for air in fear and thinking, what the fuck am I doing with my life?” I returned the message and continued reading.

“But that’s different! I’m talking about my career, and you know, I don’t know whether my hard work will get me to where I want to be in the future.” Now I imagined Mandy’s face to be somewhat pouting.

“Well, that’s what makes life interesting, isn’t it? Because we don’t know what will happen in the future. Because life is not a movie script where all the lines have already been arranged. Do I really want to know where I will be in five years time? I don’t. It’ll be damn boring and it’ll take the fun out of living. Life is life only because it is uncertain.”

“But don’t you find the uncertainty a bit frightening?”

“Sometimes. But I sort of realized that life is not a vending machine where you just put in a coin and, pop, out comes whatever you want. I wished it was, but it isn’t. So, like it or not, we all have to live with this uncertainty.”

And there was no reply message from her.

Conversation about meaning

Conversation about meaning

“I think it is stupid, these fraternities here. People trying to build a community over something that is essentially meaningless, and then they try to find meaning in it.” Berna remarked as we passed by the fraternity halls outside the university.

“Well, isn’t this how things work in the world? People building their lives over something meaningless, and then tries to find meaning in these things. Over in Singapore, there are many people living their lives this way. I’m sure it’s the same in Turkey. In fact, I’m almost certain it is the same all round the world.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“So this makes you depressing?” Berna asked as a motorbike turning out from Union Drive into Lincoln Avenue zoomed past us.

“Not really. It’ll be more depressing if other people are building their lives over something meaningful, and then you find that you are not part of it. It’ll take the fun out of life.”

“I see.”

Three Thousand Feet Above Ground 

Kranji Beach Looking At Malaysia 

大禹治水

大禹治水

每当想起大禹治水的故事，就会联想到学生时代教我柔道的邓顺安教练。

那是中四的事吧。虽然当时就读于男校，不过因为和其他学校一起做联合练习，因此有机会接触到其他学校的女同学。当时大家都青春年少嘛，难免会发生男女之间对彼此有好感的事。到底导火线是什么我也不记得了。或许是某学生的家长投诉。或许有人在校园里有比较亲密的动作而被老师撞见。反正有一天负责老师就突然向大家宣布，校方禁止我们这些男生和其他学校的女生谈恋爱，并且还警告如果被捉到的话，就会有相当严重的惩罚。

当天的柔道训练结束，以及负责老师离去后，邓教练非常不以为然地叫大家集合。他当场向我们讲述了大禹治水得故事。话说原本是禹的父亲鲧被派去治水。鲧当时沿用了过去传统的水来土挡的办法治水，在洪水来时不断加高加厚土层加以阻挡。结果凶猛的洪水不断冲击土墙，弄得堤毁墙塌，洪水反而闹得更凶了。鲧治水九年没成果，结果被舜处死。后来，舜委派了禹去治水。禹采取了和父亲不同的方法。他率领了一群人寻找水的源头、考察水的流向，并且认真研究各种水情，最后决定用疏导的办法来治理水患。结果，这个方法非常成功地治了洪水。

跟我们说了这个故事后，邓教练就批评学校禁止我们谈恋爱的做法，并且把它比喻为鲧的治水方法。他接下来所说的话，我直到现在还铭记心头：“这是个懒惰和不聪明的做法，因为这证明校方并不了解问题的症结。如果只是一味禁止和抑制，总有一天一定会出问题，就如同洪水会因为土墙的阻挡而变得更凶。我觉得校方应该学习禹的治水方式，真正深入了解问题，采用疏导的方式去解决问题。毕竟每个学生想谈恋爱的理由都不同，毕竟你们终究也会谈恋爱，何必去抑制呢？”

回想起大禹治水的故事，我不禁想起有关当局近期对某些社会问题所采取的政策，以及这些政策所带来的后果。有色按摩院在如切一带猖獗？没关系，派出警方扫荡就可以了。嗯，结果突然就在金皇商业大厦里接二连三地有可疑的按摩院开张。没关系，再派多些警方扫荡就可以了。然后就让我们猜测下个有色按摩院撅起的地点在何处吧。

另一个比较不相关的问题是电子收费的问题吧。多建几个收费闸，多增加几个收费时段。天啊，我的脑子怎么会有土墙越建越高的画面？不，我们没有必要去考虑改变或者增加道路的需要，因为跟增加电子收费的方法比起来，这些方法所带来的问题会更棘手。没关系，就让土墙慢慢升高，反正从现金卡被扣的钱又不是洪水。

或者有关当局决定于明年7月1日起在酒吧和咖啡店禁烟的事。或者已经禁止同志歌手在本地演出的事。禁止仿佛就是有关当局的第二本能，难怪 T-shirt 上会印着类似 Singapore is a fine country 的字眼。当然，禁止、扫荡和增加收费这些问题解决方法在某种意义上都是属于建土墙的层面吧。

大禹治水这个故事的另一个教训是什么呢？不管你愿不愿意承认，洪水不会因为你建了土墙就蒸发，它还是会存在着。要嘛就得承受越建越高的土墙所带来的压力，要不洪水就有破堤而出的一天，那时或许只会变得更无法收拾。唯一能够与水共存的方法就是想办法将它疏导，使其不覆舟而载舟。

虽然这是较困难的方法，不过也是较聪明的做法吧。

Along the Coast of Jin Men 

Conversation with Brandi about a Rabbit

Conversation with Brandi about a Rabbit

“And so, I found this rabbit along the corridor last year. I guessed someone must have dumped it. As I was afraid that she might be crushed by the lift door or eaten by the wild dogs in this area, I decided to keep her as a pet.” Brandi said.

I nodded as I fondled the rabbit’s ears from the opening in the cage. The rabbit jerked away instinctively, as though it thought my fingers were the claws of a predator.

“But actually, I started to regret my decision recently. See this part of the cage, where the plastic linings of the metal rails are being gnawed away? This was because she began to gnaw habitually at the doors of the cage, as if it is her way of telling me she wants freedom.” Brandi said as she bent down and used her finger to pat the rabbit lightly on her head.

“It looks well fed to me.” I said.

“But then again, it is not free. To an animal, I guess the most important thing for them is to be free. Isn’t it cruel for me to keep it in the cage?”

“Well, you’re not the rabbit. Don’t anthropomorphize.” I replied with a shrug.

“But if you think about this issue from both angles, isn’t this a dilemma? I mean, if I just leave it out there without bringing it back, I’m being cruel to it as it might die from being crushed by the lift door, or be eaten by dogs. But if I rear it, I’m depriving it of its freedom.” Brandi pondered.

“Well, look at it this way. The reason why you are able to consider this dilemma is because you are looking at this issue from a higher vantage point. To the rabbit, the concept of cruelty probably does not matter to it. I mean, to it, life is probably one big fucking cruel mess. It is ‘cruel’ to the rabbit at this point of time because it feels that it is not free. But the same rabbit might be thinking why someone in this cruel world did not rescue it from the jaws of the wild dogs when it is being hunted down. The point I am trying to make is, we don’t know. Unlike you, I’m agnostic and don’t know whether god exists. But if he really exists, I’m sure he’ll be the one making the judgment on whether he is being cruel to us or not. To the rest of us living in this fucked up and messed up world, we just continue to live, that’s all.”

“Interesting. So you’re saying there’s no such thing as good or evil.”

“No. I’m just saying that we cannot judge our good or evil by ourselves. Everything is relativistic no matter what values we attempt to subscribe to at our level. Good or evil should be judged by someone else on a higher vantage point.”

“I find it hard to believe that you are still agnostic. Don’t you feel afraid sometimes?”

“Sometimes, but I’m getting used to it.”

“Scary.”

“Yup.”

Footsteps At Wang Fu Jing 

十首我最喜欢的阿升的歌

十首我最喜欢的阿升的歌



要我选出十首我最喜欢的陈升的歌曲，这实在是非常困难的一个选择，就如同要个喜欢看美女的人选择十位他觉得漂亮的女生。想了又想，决定选择十首在我人生的某个阶段里对我有巨大影响的歌曲，排名大概不分先后吧。


(10) 如风的少年 (收录在<我喜欢私奔和我自己>专辑)

我的第一本小说也叫 "如风的少年"。还有什么疑问吗？


(9) 无神论者的悲歌 (收录在<我喜欢私奔和我自己>专辑)

没有信仰是不是一种罪？我不知道，但我却知道在自己还属于无神论者的阶段时，这首歌不知道多少次拯救了我。我现在是个不知否论者。


(8) 不安的年代 (收录在专辑)

因为世纪末。因为生活在鸟不拉屎的年代。因为恐惧。因为害怕生命中真的没有意义。就如同这首歌里的一句话：活着岂止是活着，一定还有什么生存的理由。


(7) Lonely Soldier (收录在<风筝>专辑)

我没有每次都穿着一个灰色的大衣。至少，大家都看不见吧。然而，我知道孤独之兵的感觉是怎么样的。因为只有懂得孤独的人才会孤独。


(6) 国界 ((收录在<别让我哭>专辑)

尽管这首歌有超过一半是以日文演唱，我怎么也听不懂，不过光听配乐就仿佛可以看到刘若英所谓的“我在你我之间，依赖着你对我说的话” 到底是什么样子了。


(5) 姑姑 (收录在<恨情歌>专辑)

这是一首会给人希望的歌。


(4) 喝完这杯咖啡我就离开 (收录在<思念人之屋>专辑)

不骗你，这大概是阿升写的最好的情歌吧。


(3) Last Order (收录在<风筝>专辑)

如果你在今夜死掉，对这个世界没有什么不一样。It’s okay，人家都不要，是你过份放纵的情感。从此，我就以这种态度来面对自己偶尔会发作的蓝色忧郁心情。


(2) Π (收录在合辑)

像失去了什么，在寻找些什么。过了二十五岁后，这是我心情的最佳写照吧。


(1) 欲望之潮来袭时 (收录在<放肆的情人>专辑)


年近三十，仍然在寻找那个可以让自己远离诱惑不安的方法，那个理想的地方。

Antony and the Johnsons: I Am a Bird

Antony and the Johnsons: I Am a Bird




An often criticism of the great Ella Fitzgerald was that even though her singing technique was probably second to none, she did not know how to sing with emotion. When Billie Holiday made her last record, Lady in Satin, her voice had deteriorated so badly that critics described it as though it was a piece of cloth shredded to pieces due to too many washes in the machine. However, Lady in Satin was hailed by most as one of Billie Holiday’s greatest piece of work, because it was like she put all her emotions into the music, singing about death, depression and desolation.

Music is a medium of communication, and as all of us are emotional beings, it makes sense that to define good music as something that can convey real emotions over to the audience. For Antony and the Johnson’s I am a bird, the moment it starts spinning on your disc drive and the music comes out of the speakers, one feels as though Antony is not singing to you, but communicating with you emotionally. The opening line of the first song, Hope There’s Someone, immediately sets the stage for this emotional confession that is found throughout the whole album: Hope there’s someone who’ll take care of me when I die, when I go.

However, take nothing away from the song writing of Antony and the arrangement of the music in this album. Things are kept simple here, and nothing is overdone, so as to emphasis on the one quality that really stands out in this album: Antony’s voice, which reminds one of those cabaret and opera singers. The selection of the guests vocalists in this album, including Lou Reed, Devandra Banhart, Boy George and Rufus Wainwright are also excellent, such that each guest’s distinctive vocal quality is specifically selected such that it fits the songs.

Hardly have I been touched by an album so raw on emotions. This album easily ranks as my top album of 2005 as of now.

Mother Shiva, At An Altar Set Up By Construction Workers At Marsiling

Sky At Incinerator Plant At Senoko. 

有关爱情的梦，于2005年7月某日

有关爱情的梦，于2005年7月某日。

突然发现左脚非常臃肿，仿佛有很多脓在里头。用刀子割开，不痛。竟然冒出了很多很多的芥兰花。感觉上是新鲜的，但却因为血和脓的覆盖而看起来好像已经下锅煮过了一样。不痛，继续割。发现血肉之间有许多旧时遗忘的物品，例如玩具、信件、旧情人的发夹等等。一件一件取出。不痛。继续割。结果发现自己在不知不觉中把所有的皮都割下来了。看着与血淋淋的躯体分离的皮囊，仿佛看见了另一个陌生的自己。地上有些眼泪，但我已经分不清是从躯体或者皮囊落下的。

醒来时，只知道枕头被泪水沾湿了。

Aerial View Of A Building Along North Bridge Road 

Conversation With Blackjack On The Fading Universe

“And at that moment, I felt that I’ve reached some sort of pinnacle of my life. That kind of feeling just cannot be replicated anymore. From now onwards everything is just downhill.” I said to Blackjack as I threw the cigarette butt on the floor.

“The universe fades from that moment. 或者宇宙从此退色。” Blackjack replied philosophically.

“That’s a good analogy.” I said as I lighted another cigarette.

A few days later, I remembered this conversation and called Blackjack on his cell phone.

“So what’s the color of your universe today?” I asked.

“Fine, less bright but there is still color. What about yours?”

“Still fading.”

“You know, if your universe is fading, then it is up to you to put the colors back on. Paint it up again, just like what I’m doing right now.” Blackjack advised.

“If the universe is fading, it means that it is time to take black and white photos.” I replied.

“Oh, that’s a new one. What’s the rationale?”

“You see, the difference between color and black and white photography is that the latter emphasis a lot about judging the contrast, the texture and the lightings in the picture you are going to take. It’s like if the universe fades, one should just focus on black and white photography, because this allows one to acquire those skills which one cannot train while looking at color scenes. In this case, when the colors come back into my universe one of these days, I will be able to see things from a different perspective, or I’ll be able to see the whole picture more clearly.” I explained.

“Or you could say that you’ve already seen the faded colorless universe. There is nothing that would surprise you anymore. And you will be able to appreciate the colors of the universe.”

“Yeah, that too. Well said.”

“So you’re just letting things go on naturally?”

“Yeah, I’ll tell you what the faded universe looks like once all the colors are gone.”

“Okay, sure.”

Disclaimer: What I Said And What Was Printed

If everybody have not gotten sick over the Chinese vs. Western Medicine issue, I still have a disclaimer to make. Today's Lianhe Zaobao published that I do not wish to comment on this matter further. This makes it seem as though I have agreed with all those arguing against me, which is not the case.

In my original email to Lianhe Zaobao, I said that I do not wish to comment on this matter further, because whatever needs to be said had already been said in the 28th July article, and if I replied again, I would just be repeating myself. Of course, the unwritten inference here is that I felt none of the published criticisms leveled at me have managed to answer the points raised in the 28th July article. Hence whatever I say again will only be drawn from the 28th July article.

I suppose what will happen now is that those with deep convictions on Chinese medicine will think they fucking scored a moral victory, or that I am too scared/too stupid to reply. This is not the case. There was this Dr Pan, supposedly some researcher in biology, who wrote in to criticise me. I wrote to him in private to give comments to his criticisms, and to highlight the inadequacies in his arguments.

Just releasing pent up frustrations. Not at the criticisms, but at the apparent non-critical mind of the masses. Yeah, Blackjack, you were right, there's still a lot of work to be done. Too many starfishes on the beach.

Don't Talk To A Sleeping Dog. 

Déjà vu, déjà vu.

There must be something wrong with my eyes.

Or was it a bad case of déjà vu?

Anyway, whatever it was, it caused me to stop reading newspaper for the past few years. Okay, it’s not that I don’t take note of current affairs. It is just that I don’t read the news in detail as I would have done in the past. Nowadays, I just skim through the headlines, probably read a few analysis and commentary columns, and laugh at the comics in the back pages. No, I hardly ever read the main news in detail nowadays.

Why? It is because I started to realize that all the news were recycled. No, really, they are. For all the accidents and murders and robberies and what-have-you-not in the daily tabloids, just change the name of both perpetuator and victim, change the venue, and change the time. Wow, it’s just the same news recycled. It’s much easier for those abused maid cases. Just change the name and job of the maid-employer. For those maids who retaliates by killing their employers? That’s even much easier. Just change the name of victim, country of origin of maid and how the victim was killed. I can almost fucking guarantee you that the reason for what the maids did what they’ve done was because the owner was abusing them.

But the type of news that beats the cake has to be the political news. Sometimes you just need to change the names of the countries involved. Sometimes you just need to switch the names of the countries involved. And the words those politicians sprout? Man, that’s even worse. When you hear those political leaders speak, didn’t you also have that feeling that you’ve somehow heard this before? And I haven't even talked about the nationalistic propoganda bullshit churned out at a constant and predictable rate by the beloved government yet. Déjà vu, déjà vu.

Here’s another good one. For the statements made by terrorist groups, or the so-called anti-terrorist groups, sometimes you just need to substitute God for Allah, or Jihad for Crusade, and you find that the statements are similar. Spooky, huh? But hey, this is a fallacy, for both of those terms mean the same thing.

Those running social news have it good too. No, really, just read the tabloids reporting old ladies being conned out of their life savings by magic stones, or the stories of people claiming that vinegar eggs/spring water/aloe vera juice/whatever has some healing power (can cure cancer!), and all those people scrambling for those commodities and thereby creating a shortage. Prices rise! And if I’m not wrong, no one is really much better off, except maybe those people who sell whatever was in the fad.

I could probably go on, but I won’t. You get my drift. What has the newspaper taught me? Not that the world is rapidly changing, but that people never ever learn from their mistakes.

I’m almost sure someone else must have said this somewhere else before. Déjà vu, déjà vu.